I had nightmare after nightmare the night before our first injection. I had one dream that we mistakenly injected the evening medication in the morning, and ruined the entire process before it began. Then I had nightmares of needles coming at me from every angle, and feeling the horrible pain from each one. It was a tough night to say the least…but our bodies and mind tend to deal with stress in their own way. I woke up early and turned on the Hallmark channel. The Golden Girls were always on from 6-8 AM and it was my happy place to listen to it while I prepped for work each morning. I don’t know what it is about this show, but it brings me a sense of comfort. It reminds me always of following my grandmother around her house when I was little, and she always had the Golden Girls playing in the background. Much to my husbands chagrin, he didn’t even mention changing the channel to the local news. I can’t figure out why he doesn’t enjoy Blanche, Dorothy, Rose and Sophia as much as I do! Seriously, Betty White is my idol and I hope to be as hilarious, honest and candid as she, when I’m here age! If I could have dinner with anyone, living or dead, it would be Betty White.

I chose to stay home from work on our first day of injections to make sure I didn’t have any adverse reactions or problems with the medication. Rick called to me from the kitchen and I told him I wanted to take the shot upstairs so I could lay down in bed. My husband is logical and wondered why I wouldn’t just come down to the kitchen where all of the medication and supplies resided. But I needed my things…I needed my Golden Girls, I needed my bed, and I needed my injection buddy. Our Boxer Daisy had be assigned as the designated injection buddy, although later I found out she wanted nothing to do with the process of being replaced as my baby. Rick brought all of the supplies up, and Daisy behind him. He asked me to help him prepare the Menopure injection. He didn’t need my help, but I think he needed my support. I hadn’t realized, this was stressful for him too, even though he wasn’t receiving the shot. We mixed the saline in the Menopure powder, and Rick was extremely meticulous in measuring and changing the needles.

It was time.

I grabbed Daisy’s paws as she laid around my head, rolled on my side and squeezed my eyes closed. I waited in anticipation for this horrific pain, and a wave of heat from the medication entering my body…but it never came. The injection was less than a pinch, and I felt nothing from the medication. I was all worked up and lost sleep over that! The purpose of the Menopure was to stimulate the ovaries and the follicle growth in order to retrieve eggs, when the time comes, and I know it sounds crazy, but I literally felt my ovaries responding to the medication. I was told that my ovaries would grow from the size of an almond, to the size of an orange in a matter of six days. Shit is gonna get weird.

That evening Rick made it home just in time to give me my evening injection. I laid in bed, grabbed Daisy and turned on one of my guilty pleasure reality shows. This shot had to go in my belly, but I figured since the first one was simple, this would be too. I took deep breaths and Rick went in for the injection….HOLY MOTHER! This one hurt. The tears began to well in my eyes and I now felt the medication radiating just below my skin. Rick sat with me and talked for a while. He told me that it was difficult for him to give me the first injection that morning. He didn’t like the possibility of hurting me, and there was a lot of responsibility on him to “do it right”. We were in this together, and we had to be supportive and proud of each other. That night I couldn’t sleep. I was wide awake at 2:00 AM and my body was cramping in a way I had never felt before. I had to turn on the TV for some Hallmark channel. I was shifting and turning and found myself not being able to get comfortable no matter what I did. My body just hurt.

Before I knew it, it was time to get up and get ready for work. This day is going to blow. I mustered up the strength to get through the day on only a few hours of sleep, but everything came to a head on my drive home. I sat in my car, stuck in traffic, with my swollen belly stuffed into my skinny jeans like a sausage, and began to cry. I just cried and cried. My rational self to me this was a reaction from the medication and being sleep deprived…tomorrow will be better. I’m doing this for the purpose of having a baby. This is worth it. I am strong.