There have been so many moments in the last couple of months where I have felt compelled to write, but couldn’t. So many things have been coming up in my life lately. I have been facing new challenges, new experiences and trying to navigate through so many highs and lows…but I didn’t write. I felt as though I would be cheating readers out of following my journey start to finish. The truth is that I created this blog initially to share my story and help as many people as possible…but reflecting back at this point, I think this blog has been my saving grace in so many aspects, and I need to utilize it in a manner that best fits what I need to share. I truly hope that this post, which is a fast forward, doesn’t take away from the experience for readers. I promise to complete the story of IVF, but at the moment, I need to share my current status.
In the words of Dolly Parton in Steel Magnolias, “Honey, time marches on and eventually you realize it’s marchin’ across your face.” This is my current status. Life with twins, having a full time job, maintaining my role as a wife, friend, mother, sister, daughter, and aunt has proved to be stressful to say the least. I have found that trying to juggle and keep all of the balls in the air has proved to be something I was ill prepared for.
In the past three months I have struggled with managing my post partum depression; planned my twins first birthday party and surviving the first year of parenthood; remodeled my house; took on more responsibility in my career than ever before; taken my children on their first vacation (an airplane was involved…holy stress); experienced PMS for the first time; trying to educate myself on “Raising the Happiest Toddlers on the Block” according to Harvey Karp; and tried to love myself and maintain my sanity, although I believe at points I lost it.
Each of these experiences deserves their own blog post – as they are equally important, and I’ve reached a healthy place where I can now share.
I have experienced extremely high, highs and some extreme low, lows, and the most difficult part of all of it is the guilt I feel because this is the life I ALWAYS prayed for. I would not change a thing about the gifts God has blessed me with, and it’s my responsibility to change my mindset. I knew I needed an outlet and a way to deal with my new life. I decided to join a gym, to release my stress in a positive way and I also started yoga to re-center and get back in touch with mySELF. I have learned to be in tune with myself…and more so to accept and embrace my imperfections. I am trying to be the best version of myself I can be and I’m focusing on progress, NOT perfection. I hope everyone who reads this can relate in some way and find peace in their day, and in this moment.
It is my sincere hope that I have not offended or hurt anyone by sharing my current status. I am human, and I’m experiencing organic and authentic life experiences. It’s my goal to be as open and honest about all aspects of my journey, to relate and offer some “me too” moments.
Love and baby dust to all of you my friends.