To Twin, or Not to Twin

1246107-Paul-the-Apostle-Quote-We-walk-by-faith-not-by-sightThis waiting is killing me. We made our appointment with our doctor to discuss the frozen embryo transfer. I didn’t realize it would be three weeks before we could get in for an appointment. I felt so disappointed when our nurse explained to us how booked our doctor was. Then again, it was a reminder of how many other couples are struggling, just like us. The first available appointment was on October 13th at 4:00 PM. I’m not really sure what to expect from this appointment, but I believe our doctor will educate us on the procedure, and go over some Q&A.

I woke up early on a Saturday morning to make breakfast, while I left my husband to sleep in for a bit. I’ve become somewhat of a humming bird to help occupy my time…and my mind. I made a breakfast casserole and sausage, while I listened to a Lifetime movie in the background. My husband came down the stairs just as I was finishing the sausage. We sat down together at the dining room table, turned off the TV and played music instead. Rick asked me, “what’s going on in that head of yours?” Before I could answer, I began thinking about the last several weeks. I had been completely fixated on transferring two embryo’s. I was having restless nights, it was constantly on my mind, and I wondered what was the right decision? Were twins too much to handle? Would Rick be home from work at a decent time to help me and spend time with us? Could my body even handle a twin pregnancy? I searched for signs to settle my mind and my heart. One evening I barely slept, so I got up early and headed to the office. I began my morning routine chat with my best friend. She was telling me about her weekend and that she met an old friend from High School for a happy hour. My friend sent a photo of our old friend, and there on my computer screen was a familiar face of an old acquaintance and in her arms, two beautiful babies. A little girl in one arm, and a little boy in the other…twins. My mind calmed, and my heart felt at peace.

As we sat eating our breakfast, I simply said, “me heart is set on transferring two embryo’s.” My husband responded telling me that was a decision we needed to make together. I knew this was not something I could decide without him, but I wanted to communicate where my head and heart were. He grabbed his phone and began typing a google search. I asked him what he was searching for, and the search bar said, “how small is too small to carry twins?” A blog was the first result to come up. In this blog, several women had commented stating their height and weight, as well as stating they had carried twins. Most women were close to my height, 5’2″, and the weight ranged from from 105 pounds and up (let me state, I am not 105 pounds). Rick felt at ease after reading the blog posts, but he said he still wanted to discuss it with our doctor. Our conversation danced around all of the excitement; how blessed we are that we have the option to have twins, how happy we are to have these exciting moments full of hope, how close we were to being pregnant. It was so exciting to talk like this.

A  week or so before our appointment with the doctor, one of our nurses called to go over a few items on the list for our transfer. She asked us if we wanted to transfer the healthiest embryo, or a certain sex? Rick and I had five embryo’s waiting for us, two girls, and three boys. One was stronger than the others, and the remaining four were equally as healthy. Rick and I had made the decision to transfer two embryo’s, however this was one part of our process that we were going to keep just between us, and our doctor. We had to share so many details of our journey with everyone, and THIS was one special piece that was just for us. We told the nurse that we were still discussing and we wanted to talk to Dr. Greene about our options.

In our journey through IVF, we have decided that transferring two embryo’s is right for us. Only God can decide what happens from there, but we will pray together every day.

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